So.
I am an operations manager for a local company.
Last week, the owner and I-in anticipation of a rise in business due to the upcoming holiday season, decided to run an employment ad.
We want to hire 2 people.
The procedure for this was-send a job application/resume to our page at Facebook. If you are qualified for the position, I instructed that I would send that candidate 5 follow up questions via email before we go forward in setting up a face to face interview.
We got about 20 responses pretty quickly after we posted the ad.
Out of the 20 I pre-screened (checked the qualifications on the app, looked at the Facebook pages if they had an open page, and made sure that the application was filled out correctly to confirm they could follow directions)
I chose 10 of those 20 people to send the 5 questions to.
Out of those 10...not one response. (crickets...taps mic...is this thing on???)
So after this-I send reminders to each person via Facebook messenger.
Almost all of them claimed they hadn't received an email.
I told them to check their spam folder.
The first funny moment of this blog entry is being brought to you by: The Midvale School For the Gifted...where hurtin' is learnin'
These were the responses:
1. What's spam?
2. I don't have a spam folder.
3. IDK.
4. I don't know what a spam folder is.
5. I'm going to decline at this time. (What???)
6-10. No response.
And those were just the people I did choose to send follow up to.
Nevermind the ones that didn't even get that far.
--There was the girl whose Facebook page was littered with naked men, trash talk, fuck this, fuck that, fuck yo' mama, and death threats. (nope, not kidding)
--Or the girl whose entire job application was filled with text lingo (not the same person with the IDK above)
For instance:
Work experience:
"Barnett's Bar and Grill. 2010-2010. I quit bcuz my BFF had a little baby and IDK what else, but there was many reasons. I don't like getting u ice. "(verbatim)
--Or the person-who sent an image with her resume (not sure why?) of her holding a gun in her hand with a sign behind her that says Guns and girlz-trying to look tough and militant, holding a gun.
That she sent -with a job application.
--And last worth mentioning...the girl who sent no work history-and when asked for it in a follow up email-says:
Applicant: How do I do that? Do you want me to have my former boss call you?
Me: No...I just need you to put it all in the application and send to me.
Applicant: Oh...Ok...But wouldn't it be easier to just have my uncle call you?
Me: (Blank stare) Actually, I'll contact you if we would like to set up an interview. If you don't hear from us, we have filled the position, thank you.
Applicant: Here is his number (---) --- ----
Me: ??????????
So now that the comedy part is over let's talk about-how in the hell.
Did they never teach this in schools? And how do you survive your life not knowing how to properly fill out a job application? Or, have the common sense to understand what SPAM is?
And before you think...they must be young.
1. Millennials know more about computers than people my age do, typically.
2. Bullshit.
3. See #1 and #2.
4. Some of these people were mid 30's. None of the candidates I contacted were under 30, save one. And she was 28.
30 years on the G-damn planet and you don't know how to fill out a job application, or submit a resume, or properly communicate your need for employment?
How do they feed themselves?
I mean this literally.
I mean...without he bib, drool bucket, and helmet HOW do they survive?????
And I keep thinking about unemployment. I mean, if most of these people are currently unemployed (no shocker there, amiright?) HOW do they manage their way through the paperwork of unemployment?
I mean have you seen that total shit the bed conglomeration of red tape and unnecessary ridiculousness that comes with filing for unemployment benefits?
It's like being stuck in the sights of a bureaucratic confetti Cannon that shoots like a batting cage machine for DAYS. Like a literal barrage of nonsensical Dr. Suess Language translated by Klingons.
And THAT -they understand?
But, filling out a job application that begins with the first line asking:
Full Name.
And it's just all too much?
Good lawd. I need a cocktail.
The universal symbol for staffing should be this:
That's Captain Piquard. Yes, I know this is the second Trek reference in this entry. I'm not sure why this has happened.
So, to those who are job seeking....please, for the love of ALL that is holy, treat it more like JOB seeking, and less like DRUG seeking.
And leave the damn hashtags out of it.
#commonsense
#isnot
#aflower
#thatgrows
#ineveryones
#garden
None of this is fictional, I'm not that good of a writer.
XOXO,
Bosslady.
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