Queen of...

...the double wide.

(Or, How Langston Hughes was kinda stupid)

Wow.

It's almost been like...a month since I posted.
Sorry, not sorry.

I have been busy, and really...make no apologies about that because it's a damn sight better than the alternative which would be all kinds of time to think of shit and spend hours blogging.

So yeah.

Updates.

No changes in weight...at least, not as of today. I haven't stopped anything, I am still on track-with maybe just a smidge less exercise. I said I have been busy, don't judge.

I had my son home for three weekends in a row, which keeps me moving...I have been working quite a bit and recently the in laws landed back in town and wanted to spend a ridiculous amount of money fine dining us. It's what they do. Eating moderately healthy has been a chore, but we don't see them enough, so it was worth every piece of crispy fried chicken skin and filet mignon. I mean it when I say, I regret nothing. 🤷‍♀️

That said, though...back to real business this week. They have boarded their jet plane and headed back to the place of scorpions, cacti, and rattlesnakes.
Rattlesnakes are a thing in Arizona, right? I think they could be.

This kind of looks like Arizona, doesn't it? 

Speaking of the desert, we will be going that direction soon. The rents' as I like to call then in sheer millennial annoying fash-are buying our love and gratitude by flying the hubs and I out West for a full week.
We're stoked. (that's another millennial word, cool, huh?) And I am not saying WHEN this is happening because, hubby gets paranoid about being burgled. (yes, it's a word, and it actually happens...especially in Peoria)

So that's a thing that happened, and you know about now. I know, right? You are feeling blessed because of it.
STFU, I never said this blog was always going to be funny and interesting, people. You might get one genuinely good post in like ten. 😳

And then this...

Last week I was scrolling Facebook and saw this charming little house for sale. A friend's place. Super cute and damn near exactly what husband and I want for ourselves at some point...
So, husband sorta half jokingly says: ask him if he'll sell it contract for deed.
I did.
He referred us to his home loans lady and from there things spiraled wildly out of control.
What, with all of this nasty irresponsible past and surfing off the grid- sitting like the worst wall cloud in tornadic history directly over my head...you know,  it was a fucking storm. With hail and ugly metal skirting flying overhead in the damn trailer park.

But, there we were.

Jump ahead to one week later...still no thumbs up on financing, and now the house has a an active offer on the table and us with zero leg to stand on.

Yesterday-the house sold.

Today-loan place calls and tells us no...and to wait a year and circle back.

Circle jerk, you say? Yeah, that sounds precisely like what just happened. I mean, I think, anyway.

So, as I stumble forward in my disorientation- pull my lawn chairs out of the windows of my car and find the garbage cans that have flown down the street, and stop to brush my hair cause now it looks like the storm blew my entire head straight up my ass...and the local news may want an interview of survivors...
I take a breath and wonder-wtf?

Why did I let that happen?

Hopes went up kids. And that's like, NEVER good.

I feel like I stupidly got caught up in a false thing. And I knew better. That's really the worst of it.

Yeah yeah, one year. And who in the hell knows if we will decide to hold our breaths and jump into that Goddamned cesspool again at that time.

I felt really bummed for a minute because isn't that supposed to be the dream? Owning your own home.
Yeah, at 25. NOT 47.

So, really...the pressure was off. But, I'm still not totally sure how any of it happened.
It was legit THAT fast.
#quicksilver (comic book nerd reference, yeaaaaah boy)


I maybe regret trying. Maybe.

See, here's the thing.
Before I actually gave the lady the go ahead to check and calculate etc...I had been driving around a lot that day and well, damnit. I seriously hate you for making me admit this-

but...as I was driving there were signs.

Not metaphorical fucking signs.

Like, physical signs...billboards and signs.

And I swear I am not making this up...every single one says something like this:

"GO FOR IT!" 
"You miss 100% of the shots you DON'T take."
"Your dreams come true with taking the first step!"

I felt like I had landed in the world's biggest Successories store.

Or the store actually punched me in the face.

But, this really happened.

And for a damn 15 minute span, I was all like: Yeah! Why not! We can do this! It could happen! It will be awesome! Woo HOO!

And then after 15 minutes...I felt similar to someone who just did a consecutive 5 whippets and was suddenly coherent again and going-
"I did WHAT?"

You know, panties in your purse, hair a mess (all tornado style and stuff), one heel broken, hobbling down fraternity row walk of shame moment. Head bowed in utter remorse and eat-your-feelings self loathing.

Because I knew what was coming.
T-Rex devastation.

But, it was too late to turn back at that point. And there we were.
All bent over and exposed.

So, out of all of this, in all seriousness, we learned a lesson and got some idea of our limitations.
In a year we will "circle back" and see what we want to do. Only two years closer to 50! Let's buy a crib, yo! We'll definitely die before we pay it off and then, fuck it, right?

I swear I did NOT audition for The Big Short.
But I did do a bad hair day interview about the big storm that ate the entire trailer park.


Ugh.

So that's what's new in my world. The desert, home loans and bad storms-decisions.

Huh.
That sounds like a cool title for a really bad smooth jazz album.

Life is a circle...just keep goin' round

Now for a new song off of the album :The desert, home loans and bad storms-by Ship of Fools.

XOXO,
Dream (deferred) girl

Shutup, I like poetry.