If I can't wear flip flops...

...I'm not going.

So, yesterday was about purses. Today is shoes.

Flip flops. The title gave it all away, I know. Sue me.

I like flip flops. As a matter of fact...when fall comes-the hardest part is having to cover my feet in socks and add heavy sneakers, or boots. Winter is the worst fucking thing...ever.

I would wear flip flops every single day if I could. Mostly because they are the most comfortable shoes known to man. And I am a creature of comfort-as you are all well aware. If it feels good...kids, I am in.
My hedonistic nature knows zero boundaries. I like comfort food. Comfortable clothes, comfortable beds and furnishings, clothes, and hats.
Comfort...I am all about it.

I never liked wearing heels, but I did love looking at them. A good Christian Louboutin will make me climax in 3.3 seconds. No. I'm not kidding.
Sexiest shoes on the planet.
That Frenchman knows how to make a shoe that can invoke the Kama Sutra.
I have a vast appreciation for shoes and the look and style of them. But wearing them is another matter altogether.
First of all-I don't have the legs for heels. Never have. I have wide calves even when I was thinner. I have always had large ham hocks for legs. Not a good feature of mine, sadly.  These days, ham hocks with lumpy cottage cheese cellulite and spider veins. Good times. An aging hooker comes to mind...
Yeah it's self deprecating. Who cares, it's my party. And it happens to be true.
Imagine a pig.
Standing upright.
In 3' heels.

It's not a pretty sight, trust me.

Considering I have average sized feet at the end of these massive legs-it looks like a two sides of beef trying to hold up two twigs on fancy shoes. Not good. I used to be able to do the heeled boots because they hid everything bad.  But heels in general have never looked right...as much as I tried to force that issue. Sigh. Shoes are so pretty.
Carrie Bradshaw is my spirit animal in all the ways except the actual wearing/buying of the Manolos.

As I age, I find that even sneakers are uncomfortable. Yes, even the pricier ones. I have a pair of 65 buck Ryka's that I rock to work out or walk...but even these strangle my feet.
I have weirdo oddly shaped feet. Super wide at the ball and super skinny at the heel. Trying to find shoes to fit me properly is not an easy task.
So, I usually like nudity to that effect.

Just topless, not bottomless. I'm not a complete foot slut.

Flip flops. God's perfect solution for ham hocks legged, oddly shaped feet women. Me.

So, I'm thinking that someone needs to design covered flip flops for fall and early winter. Not ugly rubber ones, but, like...leather, stylish, sexy, and actually comfortable ones. Like, just covering the top of your feet with like lace or fur, and a lining underneath so they are purty, and practical.
Yes, I'm serious.
I'd wear them.

And I bet I'm not the only one. There are fat women everywhere aching arches and all waiting for sexy flip flops. No...not sandals with ugly bedazzling. Walmart already has the market on those and they are ugly and uncomfortable.
I'm talking Steve Madden, Christian, and Manolo getting all up in this trend.
Charge like a buck fitty a pair and call them something clever...like fashion flips, or sexy thongs, or practical pretties.
Whatever, I don't know. I'm not good at buzzwords, but you get the point, right?



Shoe designers...hear my plea.

That's it for now.

I need to put on my flip flops and go somewhere.

Because they are fabulous.

XOXO,
Shoegal.